Social World

The older I am, the more I am confused about the social world.

How odd is that?

I guess my brain and development is working backwards.

I honestly miss the old days when I was in school as a little girl.

Befriending people was easier and nothing was complicated.

Growing up, I have to pick up social cues.

Sometimes people do not mean what they say, and they say so just to be polite, and I am supposed to realise that.

I think it is possible to be straight forward but nice at the same time, but not many can do so.

I try to give my best, to love and to show genuine interest but it is harder for me to know if people are honest with me in the adults world.

Or sometimes my honesty just scares others away.

There is too much fear in the social world – fear of offending others, fear of being rude, fear of being left out, fear of being forgotten, fear of being used, fear of not replying and not getting replies…

It is honestly too much.



The farewell

Watching the farewell reminds me of sad memories.

But I am not ready to talk about those yet.

On the other note, I can relate to Billi on a deep level.

I am also a young female who left home and went abroad at an early age.

I live far apart from my family.

Feeling disconnected and confused is a regular occurrence whether it is in America, England or Taiwan.

I used to blame the location, but the older I grow, the more it makes sense.

I used to think it is everyone else’s fault – perhaps they should have tried harder.

Now I understand myself as an explorer who has experienced atypical life in one’s 20s.

Life can be confusing when you move faster than the speed of settling down.

Before I even had time to establish my own life and my comfort zone, I already moved somewhere else.

I am learning to reflect on my life rather than blaming an event or a person.

It is true to say I was the decision maker in majority of my life and that is a blessing.

But every decision comes at a cost.

Disconnection is certainly one.

I have been asked various times where I like the most and I normally refuse to answer.

I am not sure what to say to be honest.

Taiwan is always going to be my home because that is where I was born and raised, but the longer I live abroad, the more I am not used to living there.

In America and England, I find myself out of place (so far London is the only exception).

I often meet people who say “oh wow that’s cool” when I tell them where I am from and where I have lived.

But I rarely meet people who are genuinely interested in me or can relate to me beyond superficial level.

It is difficult to explain these phenomena without offending others or hurting their feelings.

There is a lot more I can share but I will save it for another time.

Being honest is truly the most liberating feeling and I am going to try not to be sorry for that.



What would you do?

Last night on my way to the gym, a stranger spit at my face when I walked down the underground station.

It was a proper big spit..

When my husband said WTF man he looked as if he was going to murder us.

Even today I feel grossed out.

I was more shocked than angry at that moment but the more I think of it, the more pissed off I am. I did or said absolutely nothing so I’m not sure why this happened😤

What would you do?