In February of this year, I started preparing myself for spinal fusion. It is a surgical procedure for severe scoliosis. What happens is the surgeon will take bone graft to fill the space between the vertebrae and metal rods are used to hold the spine. Eventually, it will heal into a single bone.
I went from being scared to being excited coming up to my op. I was scared because of the possible risks involved and excited because I wanted to fix this before it is too late. The week before my surgery, I felt so ready mentally. Most of the essentials I ordered arrived as well. I felt positive thinking the surgery would just be an unusual getaway: a change of scenery from being stuck at home, cooked meals being brought to me, new people such as the staff at the hospital to talk to, learning how to walk again.. the list goes on. You get the idea.
On 19th March at 13:00, I received a hot water bottle from my lovely friend through the post. I was touched by the timing and her thoughtfulness. I thought I could use one during my recovery. However, I was not prepared for the news I would receive later that day. At 5:15 pm when I arrived at my surgeon’s office, he said, ‘‘It is all bad news. ‘‘ He went on to explain that the orthopaedic hospital is being used for Coronavirus patients starting the next day so my op is not happening. After that, my mind went blank and missed some of the stuff he said. All that was looping in my head: I was going to be his next operation. How could this be? I am so ready, why is this happening?
At the moment there is no answer to when I will have my op. It could be months. I cannot help but wonder how much time I will spend stuck at home. I started staying home before the pandemic to protect myself from catching the virus before the op. When the pandemic is over, I will have my op and spend many more months at home recovering. I worry I will go crazy.
After I became less emotional, I knew I had to accept this. This hospital has ventilators so they are helping out the situation. There are way too many Coronavirus patients that need that bed and the equipment way more than I do.
I have now recovered from the initial shock and my selfish thinking. Perhaps I should learn that life works in unpredictable ways and the world does not revolve around me.
In the meantime, I will prepare myself physically which I was not doing before. I am also looking forward to my parents’ visit when I can have the op (they were not able to come from Taiwan if I had it now).
P.S I am now blogging on my main website:Sleepwalker Studio
Please go there instead. cheers and take care everyone.